With all the snow we have been getting, I just wanted to talk some hockey. Summer hockey season is starting in a few weeks and when putting together my team the No Regretzkys, I had to put a lot of thought into the type of players I needed…
So here are the 7 Players to avoid putting on your Beer League Hockey Team:
YOLO PLAYER A.K.A. EVERY GAME IS THE STANLEY CUP GUY
Every hockey player knows at least one dude like this. Nothing screams classy more than jumping into the boards, pounding the glass, and screaming like you just won Lord Stanley’s Mug after putting your team up 7-1 Chill bro.
THE FAKE OUT ARTIST A.K.A. BAD LINE CHANGER
There isn’t anything worse than the exhausted player who looks over to the bench, makes eye contact, skates towards it, and then peels away like a get-away driver in a really terrible bank robbery. He knows he’s tired, you know he’s tired but his name hasn’t appeared on the score sheet and DAMMIT HE’S NOT COMING OFF UNTIL IT IS!
BEAVER TAILER A.K.A. ALWAYS THINKS HE’S OPEN
This guy thinks he is always open and wants you to pass that puck immediately, and if you don’t, you can be sure he will tap his stick repetitively like a beaver in Northern Ontario during mating season. The most important thing to remember is: Do not give into their demands.
ROBO-COP A.K.A THE TINTED VISOR GUY
Walk into any rink that hosts a men’s league and I can guarantee you will come across at least 1 guy with a tinted visor. “But it reduces glare bro” Yea… never once have I played a hockey game and thought to myself “Wow it’s so bright in here I wish I had my sunglasses on”. These visors are blacked out like these guys are rolling in an escalade with spinners and playing Weezy at full tilt. CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP
CHUGLESS DOUGLAS A.K.A FORGOT TO BRING THE BEER GUY
If you’ve ever been in a locker room after a huge win or a crushing defeat, this is self explanatory.