IT’S NOT EVEN WEDNESDAY
A lot is happening in the world of wrestling. So much so that I think it’s time to show off my dank formatting skills (they’re absolutely terrible).
THIS WEEK IN WRESTLING
more or less a week
(SPOILER CODE IN EFFECT)
Shane-o-Mac returns and is set to face the Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match at WrestleMania 32
Mania in Taker’s home town of Texas (sorry Kayfabe, you don’t exist to me). Hot diggity dog this looks to be an insane match. The storyline of this match is some real deep stuff:
WWE is losing viewership and writing is in the dumps.
Shane hasn’t been at a WWE event in over 7 years.
Shane comes back to an insane pop.
(Shane) McMahon with the plan calling out the blunders of modern WWE (m’fourth wall).
Shane’s got some dirt about Vince and wants control of Raw.
Vince cuts a deal.
Shane gets a Mania match vs the Deadman where he has to win to get Raw.
A week later Taker tells Vince that if he “kills” Shane, it’s Vince’s fault.
Stephanie delivers one of the greatest promos ever.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE
Damn Cena, Back at it Again with the Early Return
Cena’s original heel run as the Doctor of Thuganomics and his recent US Title Open Challenge run has proven that Cena has way more than 5 moves of doom.
This is bringing in fan theories, what if Shane recruits Cena to take his place!
If the theory holds true, then it’s looking to be a HELLUVA (hint hint) match. Speaking of which…
Sami Zayn to take on [SPOILER] at NXT Takeover: Dallas
NXT is taking over with another amazing match planned for their upcoming special.
Sami Zayn’s Helluva Kick
SHINSUKE NAKAMURA’s Bomaye Knee
For those that aren’t in the know, WWE officially announced Nakamura’s signing.
There’s guys with the perfect character and charisma, then there’s guys that are amazing wrestlers. Then there’s Nakamura – All of the above.
Over the past year he has defined himself as my favourite wrestler of all time.
The indie darling, Sami Zayn will definitely pair well with the King of Strong Style himself.
Some great introductory matches for bother competitors include El Generico (Sami Zayn) vs Kevin Steen (Kevin Owens) in Ladder War 4.
As for Shinsuke, his match vs AJ Styles (before both of them got signed) at Wrestle Kingdom 10 is a five star match for the ages.
Big Signings in NJPW
Michael Elgin officially signs a 2 year deal with NJPW.
Great news for big Mike as the japanese crowd fell in love with him for his performance at last years G1 Climax Tournament. He will continue to appear in America due to ROH’s working relationship with NJPW but it looks like his priorities are now in Japan.
Shibata is Official!
Ever since returning to NJPW, Shibata has worked as a freelancer agent. After the company decided to put the Never Openweight title on him he has finally signed a proper contract. Hopefully this means they’ll be confident with giving him a well-deserved push now.
Chaos’s Big Announcement
Heel stable, Chaos officially announced their newest member. After teasing Hirooki Goto turning heel to join the stable, they actually revealed last month’s signee, Will Ospreay as the new member.
Ospreay is a young up-and-comer from the UK with an already growing list of accolades.
At 22 years old, the future looks bright for the “Aerial Assassin”.
Beauty and the Brain
Big Sexy, Kevin Nash has announced he will donate his brain to CTE research.
Not too long after the announcement, ECW legend and former WWE and TNA wrestler, Rob Van Dam announced that he will also donate his brain.
RVD’s motivation is due to his belief that there’s “a correlation between THC and brains being protected from concussion damage.”
One of the greatest innovators of his time, Japanese high-flying legend, (Eiji Ezaki) Hayabusa passed away on March 3rd, 2016.
In 2001, Hayabusa suffered a career-ending injury where he paralyzed himself during a botched springboard moonsault.
He worked primarily for Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling. Soon after his injury, the company closed due to the owner’s rumoured debt to the Yakuza.
In 2015, Hayabusa walked again unassisted for the first time since his injury.
The innovator of the Phoenix Splash
and the Falcon Arrow
Thank You, Bryan
Covering this last because it’s probably a month old by now.
Daniel Bryan officially announced his retirement from not only WWE but from all of wrestling.
There’s so much to say about Bryan’s impact on modern wrestling but I’ll sum up how I feel in one word: grateful.
Thank you, Bryan.
Th-th-that’s All Folks
Join me again next time when I sit on a pineapple.